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I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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