From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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