Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
