I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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