nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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