My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We are all done wearing pants today
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
