i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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