mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
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Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
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I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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