your room smells of hookers.
And success
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
