he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
