Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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