Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
