she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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