You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
