I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
