Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
