so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
