i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
