I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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