Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
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I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
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Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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