I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
