Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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