I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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