it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
