Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
