Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
