I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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