this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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