i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
