Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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