The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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