I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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