Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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