It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
