I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
