When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
