Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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