its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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