I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
