His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
