I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
