I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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