I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
