Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
