you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
the night ended with taco bell and tears
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
