My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
