plz talk dirty to me
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sorry about my life...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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