Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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