my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
