I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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