Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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