Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
