Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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