She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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