Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
