i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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