i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
