Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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