tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Randomize
