I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
