It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I want to be your penis for a week.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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