When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
