im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
