Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
