So drunk, too bad you don't want this
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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