tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
