My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This is classic penis vs brain.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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