They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
