Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
me + whiskey = a bad person
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
