I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dick very happy bro
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
