wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
