Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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