i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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