Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
