I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
