i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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