Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
