best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
