Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My penis needs a shock collar
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
