So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
