ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
