Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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