So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
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If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
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He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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